


The Three Little Coyotes

by MeansToOffend (goodmorning)



Series: 31 in 31: NHL Fairy Tales [11]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Arizona Coyotes | Phoenix Coyotes, Fairy Tale Retellings, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 01:42:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12121803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodmorning/pseuds/MeansToOffend
Summary: “'Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll break your door down!'”





	The Three Little Coyotes

There was once a hockey team called the Coyotes, and, as they were a hockey team, they had to travel the country to play games. One fine autumn day, they arrived in New York City. But though they looked forward to that evening’s game, there was something hanging over their heads: New York was home to the Commissioner, the natural predator of many a hockey team.

The owner of the team was the first to be called on. He was working on yet another argument with which he could attempt to persuade the city of Phoenix to build the Coyotes an arena. He was getting very tired of it indeed, and so he was even more irritated than usual at the interruption.

“Barroway, Barroway, do you have a sec?”

“Why, so you can tell me we’d do better in Quebec?”

“Well…”

“In that case, go away.”

“But I’ll grease, and I’ll squeeze, and I’ll get them to build an arena downtown.”

“Wait, really?” Barroway said, opening the door, and the Commissioner ate him up.

Next, it was Max Domi’s turn. He was hanging up his gameday suit and preparing to take a nap when there was a knock at his hotel room door. He hoped, briefly, that it would be room service, because he had ordered quite a while beforehand and the wait was about to eat into his naptime. When he heard the Commissioner’s voice, therefore, he was extremely displeased and not at all inclined to be patient.

“Little Wolf, little Wolf, let me come in!”

“It’s Coyote, and if we fight you’re not gonna win.” 

Perhaps this bluster was ill-advised, given the difficulties with his hand following a previous fight, but it must be remembered that he was both tired and hungry, and that the Commissioner was an incredible nuisance at the best of times.

“Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and- wait, I should back down.” And so the Commissioner moved on down the hotel hallway to the next Coyote-occupied room.

The third Coyote was Oliver Ekman-Larsson, and in this the Commissioner made a mistake, for he was far wilier than anyone else on the team. He had already prepared for the Commissioner’s visit, and was awaiting the overloud knock on the door when it came.

“OEL, OEL, open the door!”

“No. What kind of idiot do you take me for?”

“Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll break your door down!” shouted the Commissioner. But as he backed to the other side of the hallway to accelerate, OEL was watching and waiting. At just the moment the Commissioner’s shoulder would have met the door, he opened it. The Commissioner was not fast, but he was accelerating too hard to stop. His momentum carried him all the way through the hotel room and out the window on the other side, and gravity carried him down the twenty or so floors to the ground.

And so no hockey team was bothered by the Commissioner ever again, and they all lived happily ever afterwards.

**Author's Note:**

> \- John Chayka is a Very Good GM and I'm kind of speechless.  
> \- Is the Wile E. Coyote feel to the ending deliberate? No comment.


End file.
